It’s not my fault—it’s your fault!
Defensiveness is any way of warding off a perceived attack. Defensiveness involves counter attacks and whining (positioning oneself as an innocent victim). An at-risk (or simply uninformed) couple may...
View ArticleThe Best Predictor of Relationship Demise is…
…contempt.” Think of contempt as any statement to or gesture toward your partner that comes from a superior place–think of sarcasm, hostile humor, name-calling, and insults; eye-rolling, sneering, or...
View ArticleStonewalling, a.k.a. The Silent Treatment: What’s going on?
When acute or chronic negativity is present in a relationship, it is not uncommon for one person, usually the husband, to start stonewalling. The person stonewalling may avoid eye contact, focus on...
View ArticleThat was a Doozy of an Argument: What now?
Repair. Having discussed John Gottman’s “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse” in previous posts, I will conclude this series with Gottman’s recommendation for relationship repair. You can practice repair...
View ArticleCriticizing vs complaining: Do you know which one is okay?
Criticism: “You’re such a slob! If you cared about me you’d pick up your own dirty clothes rather than sitting around waiting for me to do it.” Complaint: “Honey, I hate picking your dirty clothes up...
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